Guest Blogger!

Today I have been featured as a guest blogger on a wonderful resource site for mothers of twins and multiples, Multiples and More! Please head on over and check it out. They are running the post I wrote on child predators. I’m so thankful that they chose this particular post, because I feel so passionately about getting the word out to help prevent future abuse. Thanks for your continued support!

Janice of MommaWords

On a very serious note…Child Predators

I recently watched a Law and Order SVU episode with a story line based around the molestation and murder of a little girl by a WOMAN assailant. It made me wonder how many victims of female assailants are out there? What can we as parents do to decrease the chances that our most precious creations NEVER fall victim to any predator?

Why did this particular episode grab my attention and so closely hold it? At three years old I fell victim to an early teen young woman. Looking back, I can only imagine that someone had taken advantage of this young girl. I can only guess that her way to regain any power over her own life was to take power from someone else. How did she gain access to me at the age of 3? This young woman was the daughter of my babysitter. I have very strong, vivid, bad memories from this babysitter. The family was obviously unhealthy. The thing is, when I was 3 the “stranger danger” campaign didn’t exist.

I by no means think we should make our children or ourselves paranoid about this subject. I do believe that if your children are in the care of someone other than you (ANYONE other than you) they should be taught some basics. Teach them that their private parts are theirs ALONE and that they are private! They shouldn’t share their private parts. No one should touch them in a way that makes them feel bad or uncomfortable. I like this as a general statement. I’d much rather have them come tell me someone made them feel bad by making them sit down for a time out, than have them not telling me about the “bad” situations at all. Try to keep this type of education very general. Giving too much detail can plant ideas in their head that they don’t need to think about yet. You only want them to remember this education if they fall into a situation that requires it. Talk to your kids about their day, especially when they weren’t with you for some of it! “What was the best part of your day? What was the worst part of your day?” You might think that preverbal toddlers are too young for this but they aren’t. In our house, either at dinner or bath time, I run over our day with the kids. This helps my husband to be included in our activities. I ask the twins “Did you tell Daddy about our day?” Then I list many of our activities and ask them what their favorite part was. I also include “negative” things like, “we were a little cranky because we took a short nap and we had to have a timeout”. If you build this into your routine early your kids will look forward to giving you a report about their day when they are older.

This post was not created to strike fear in every mother taking her child to daycare. I just want to educate you. Be aware of the entire environment of the babysitter or daycare. Will there be preteens or teenagers home? Have you met these kids? You should know everyone who will come in contact with your child. Go with your gut. Does a situation make YOU feel uneasy? Your kids are going to be there feeling uneasy for a lot longer than you. Find a caregiver that fits both you and your child. Have a probation period with a new caregiver and make sure your child expresses how they are liking their care. The most frequent victims of child abuse are newborn to 3 years old! For more statistics on child abuse see the U.S. Departments of Health and Human Services website.

I consider myself lucky, in that I didn’t undergo abuse for a long period of time. Even though I was told not to tell, I told my mother and she removed me from the situation. The problem was, this effected me in endless ways. I had TERRIBLE self-esteem and anyone who knows kids knows that low self-esteem puts a huge target on your back. I struggled for approval when I shouldn’t have cared. I was just under 25 before I became a strong willed woman with good self-esteem. It was a lot of work.

I recommend that if you are unfortunate enough to have a child who is the victim of abuse, please get them in to counseling. There are free programs out there – so there is no excuse! It can have a huge effect on their life. For more information you may be interested in this book, “The Swimsuit Lesson“, which was recommended to me by a friend. Thanks Moni! (Here is a link to buy “The Swimsuit Lesson“) I have read this book and think it is a great way to talk to your children about such a serious subject. The book is broken into two parts, the story to read to your children and a parent’s guide.

Please know that I am fine and well and love my life. I did not share this experience for any reason other than to help prevent further abuse. It’s not just creepy men that abuse children! Please leave any advice for parents of victims, questions or additional information in the comments for this post. I’m sure other parents will appreciate it as much as I will! To report suspected abuse or to find help for an abuse victim please call the ChildHelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1 800 422-4453 or visit their website HERE. Calls are anonymous.