I'm a mother of twins, RDA accredited Cloth Diaper Circle Leader, and an RN discussing parenting tips, green living, and products I love!
This week I was having a conversation with my husband about why it’s so crucial that I have his help at family gatherings, especially when they aren’t at a child proofed home. I know this seems obvious, and those single parents out there are probably giving me death stares right now but, no need, I can’t imagine what it would be like to do this job without help. I have TONS of respect for you.
You see, pregnancy prepares mom for sleep deprivation and can make her more conscious about what she’s eating. Then, baby arrives and both parents get a taste of what this infant stage is all about. Most couples of singletons that I know learn the divide and conquer technique once baby number two arrives. Mom is usually with the infant, and dad (or mom’s significant other) hangs out with the older brother or sister.
The difference with having twins, is that there is no adjustment period where parents can take turns caring for the constant demands of an infant/toddler. Both parents are needed all the time. One parent can make it work at home by making the environment baby/toddler friendly but when you go out to visit friends and family in a home that isn’t baby/toddler proofed, each parent needs to watch a child so both can remain partially available to visit. Yes there are plenty of interruptions, but if you don’t split duties, you have one parent completely exhausted and unable to visit or hold a conversation.
If you are pregnant with twins, I hope that this doesn’t add to your fears. I wanted to point out how important it is to really let your significant other know how important they are in helping you maintain your sanity as well as some kind of relationship with friends and family! What happens when you add another child to the mix? I could imagine, maybe, but I won’t speculate, because I have no experience there…. Here’s a pat on the back incase you haven’t had one lately. 
This is my big belly - hands off!
Moms out there, do you remember being pregnant? I mean really remember? Do you remember baby brain? I kinda think baby brain is our body’s way of telling us to forget all the nonsense. Baby, food, & sleep are the priorities and you can forget about everything else! Do you remember how all those flowing hormones affected your mood? Recently a pregnant friend of mine reminded me (by telling me about some of her encounters) how important it is to be thoughtful to others and ESPECIALLY hormonal preggo mommas!
What am I talking about? Things you shouldn’t say to a pregnant momma:
“When are you due? Really, two more months? You look like you’re ready to give birth any moment!”
Yeah…. if this momma wasn’t worried about how much weight she had gained, didn’t already feel “fat”, or wasn’t already worried about EVER getting her body back – she sure is now. Hint, if her eyes get all glassy you might want to retract your statement or cover it up somehow….
“You are so TINY! I can’t believe you are 7 months! I can hardly tell you’re pregnant!”
Ok, instinctually you might think this is a complement but if her doctor has expressed any concerns that her baby is not growing at a normal rate – this could set a poor worried momma over the edge.
“Are you having twins?!”
If you don’t KNOW this momma is having twins you shouldn’t ask. And if you do know she’s having twins you shouldn’t have to ask, so basically, don’t ask this question – ever. For reasons why I refer you back to my comments on quote number one.
“Your so young/mature to have a baby!”
Um yeah. Both momma’s in this situation are feeling self conscious about their age. They are both scared that parenthood will be risky or too much for them to handle at their age. It kinda reminds me of when my father in law told me “Janice! You have a zit!” Yeah, I know. I have a zit. Thanks. No – the throbbing mountain right between my eyebrows wasn’t enough of a reminder, I needed to be told. Wait – you can smell the sarcasm, right?
“Were you trying to get pregnant?”
Uh, that’s kinda none of your business, right? If this isn’t a sensitive subject I don’t really know what is….
“Was it natural?”
Ok, if someone has tried to get pregnant for any amount of time, every menstrual cycle is heartbreaking. So, if they did have to resort to some kind of fertility treatment to you really want to dredge up all that pain and frustration it took for them to get to finally being pregnant? (This is more frequently a question for mothers of multiples, after people find out there is more than one bun in the oven. Either momma is an uber-ovulater, her ovum decided to spontaneously split, or she worked really hard with fertility treatments to get those precious babies.) Either way – momma isn’t growing cyborgs and they are “natural” carbon based lifeforms based mostly of water. How would you like it if someone referred to your baby as unnatural? Ouch….
And for those who are married and not pregnant…
“When are you going to have a baby?!?”
This can be one of the deadliest of questions. How do you know this couple hasn’t been trying for 5 years? While I wonder about many married friends, now that I have learned more about infertility, I NEVER ask. I can just picture the bride having to excuse herself, get her cry out, and rejoin the group.
Anyways… I thought it was an important sensitivity reminder since so many of us will be seeing more family for the holiday season. Send this post to your insensitive friends and family and see if they stop their intrusive judgements questions…. Let me note that I’m sure that I have been guilty of at least one of these quotes myself. Live and learn right? What’s your favorite inappropriate or feeling crushing question?
Tonight is my Mothers of Multiples annual clothing exchange! I wanted to share what we do with you so that you could share this idea with your local club. This works great for any club that allows parents of children of any age. The clothing exchange falls at THE most perfect time of year too! A month before Halloween, so that we can exchange costumes as well! (I’m not quite able to give away last years costumes though. It was the first time I made the kids costumes and I’m too sentimental to share. It was a family costume including Fred, Wilma, Pebbles & Bambam. I know Bambam belongs to Betty & Barney but it worked. My husbands extra large fake feet were a hit at Boo at the Zoo.)
Anyway, back to the clothing exchange. We all bring clothes that our children have grown out of and pile them on tables. Then we find the size our kids need and dig in! What a great way to reduce and reuse! With experience, we have found it is a great idea to bring a suitcase to carry all the clothes in, especially if the location is a walk from you car.
If you want to add another social event to your club’s schedule you could do an adult clothing exchange as well! The icing on the cake to these exchanges is that, even if you don’t get rid of all the out grown clothes, you have your donations ready to go. Our club is hosting the Southern California Mothers of Twins Convention this November and all my remaining clothes will be donated to the charity our convention is sponsoring. I love knowing that our outgrown items will help someone in need.
I have tried not to compare my twins to each other from birth. It’s a difficult thing not to do. As an infant Dear Daughter (DD) never wanted to sit. She was only content standing while being held. My Dear Son (DS) was hardly mobile at all. He was happiest while in my arms as an infant. So yes, there was some comparison. I tried not to let my imagination get away with me though. Why wasn’t one doing this or that yet? It’s very easy to become paranoid about development when you have two babies the same age right next to each other all the time!
DD was crawling for months before DS showed any interest. DD walked at 12 months and DS waited until 18 months. He was a cautious guy! As of late, things have gotten entertaining. Now 2 1/2 years old, both are constantly asking “Whas dat noise Momma?” Ah the endless noises of each day. Garbage trucks, lawn mowers, motorcycles, new music, what a world of discovery.
There is that wonderfully annoying stage where, instead of trying to answer you, your child just repeats what you have said. Yes, I love that DD has passed this stage and that DS has progressed to it, but this is one I would love to skip! I kind of miss the one or two word answers from DS. Now, no matter what information I’m trying to get from him, 99% of the time he will just repeat my question back to me. LOVELY.
Me: “Do you want waffels for breakfast DS?”
DS :”Waffel for bekfas?”
Me: “What was your favorite animal at the zoo today DS?”
DS: “Was favit amal today?”
The only case where I don’t think this happens (yes there must be others but they aren’t coming to mind) is as follows:
Me: “Shall we watch Dora while Mommy makes lunch?”
DS: “D D D DORA! D D D DORA!!!!!”
Thankfully, I have very recently survived this stage with DD. I know it will pass. I’m wondering, though, how they have managed to turn off their hearing? I’m not so confident that I’ll survive that!
A friend of mine passed on two resourceful websites that I wanted to share with you! The first is a website for parents of twins with loads of information about pregnancy, caring for twins and twin discounts. It’s called Twin Pregnancy and Beyond. I thought it was pretty helpful. Let me know what you think!
The second site is for the savvy parent as well. It’s called CleanBeeBaby.com. CleanBeeBaby is a mobile service in the Los Angeles area. This business steam cleans your baby gear.
If you have ever owned a stroller, then you know how messy they can get in a very short period of time. Why is this site for the savvy parent? I truly believe in the three Rs. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. One way to Reduce your $pending and Reuse/Recycle is to purchase used baby gear. If you are a first time mom, you might hesitate to reuse anyone else’s baby gear. Those of us with twins, may look a bit more seriously at this option because we have to buy two of many items. Steam cleaning baby gear makes a mom feel SO MUCH BETTER about a secondhand item. It may look good as new but what germs lurk on the item? Steam cleaning gets rid of this worry, saves you money (not buying new), and keeps this baby gear out of a landfill. Brilliant.
